Anti-Socially Awkward

So, I decided to spice things up with some more online drama and created an OK Cupid Profile. What can I say, Monday night. Not a lot going on…..

So....this is supposed to Where's my Gin and Tonic?

I uploaded two pictures, spent about 10 minutes thinking, and realized that I didn’t know what to write in my profile. Then, I thought, these are dudes we are talking about – does what I have to say about myself even matter? Guys don’t listen anyway. Really, the important thing here is how I look. I mean, in a real relationship, physical attraction is important, but has to be balanced by an attractive personality. However, in flirtations and other such non-relationships, you are as interesting as you look. Personality comes in a distant second place. Keep reading before you disagree with me.

It’s not just online. I’ve never once been to a bar and had a guy walk up to me and say, “Excuse me, being tall and pale, you are not even remotely what I consider physically attractive in a woman, but you seem like someone who would have a great personality if I gave you a chance. Can I buy you a drink and get to know you better?”

That’s just not how it happens. If someone finds you attractive; they’re interested! If you’re truly an interesting person, well, that’s just the icing on the cake, isn’t it?

I don’t think it’s necessarily a bad thing. And it’s not just a guy thing. Come to think about it, I can’t think of a single unattractive person on whom I would put my “interesting” stamp. Eh, we’ll talk about this later. Back to my dating profile….

So, I have the pictures, my physical descriptors, and not a lot else.

*Bing* I get a message. Not bad for a 7 minute investment on a free online dating website!

LongHairGuy says “Hi.”

LongHairGuy is 2 years older than the max on my age range, but I liked his name because it made me think he could be a rockstar. I checked out his profile. I didn’t get any other info about him because his pictures scared me. Not a rockstar.

I decided to quietly ignore the message instead of going out of my way to reject him.

Then, I get an Instant Message from Hawaii Five Oh (or something like that)….something put me off immediately (maybe the repressed feeling of being a little girl who was not allowed to talk to strangers or play in chat rooms…) But I didn’t want to be rude. He said “hi” and asked how I was. I thought, Why are we having this discussion? You don’t know me! You don’t really care how I am! Today was actually all over the place, but you won’t get that! This is the worst question you could ask me right now….and I responded with “Good, thanks. How are you?”

He told me his name. As soon as I said, “I’m Maureen,” my fight-or-flight instinct kicked in and I ex’ed out of the browser.

Let Catholic guilt seep in.

I logged back on and sent him a message. I made up some excuse about a bad internet connection I said I didn’t want to be rude. I wished him a good night.

Then, I get an e-mail. Another new message from another guy with a really random screen name. He says, “Hey Shorty, wanna chat?”

Shorty? Could I really be someone’s shorty? I check out his profile. Not a chance. He was the shorty. I wanted to write back, “Dude, I’m almost 5’10” and I just bought killer 3.5″ heels yesterday that I plan on wearing…a lot. Since you’re shorter than me when I’m in flats, let’s not broach this delicate subject yet. I know it worked for Sonny and Cher, but they were friends first.”

I’d had enough of online dating….for tonight anyway.


About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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One Response to Anti-Socially Awkward

  1. T says:

    Give short guys a chance! I have – twice – and one of those was arguably the best kisser I have ever met. Short is different than way-shorter-than-you. Don’t be afraid to let him step up to the challenge (hahaha couldn’t resist the pun!!)

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