I had an interesting half conversation today about the “type” of guy I’m seeking. I’m calling it a half conversation because I was ever so slightly lambasted every time I opened my mouth. D$ is a special kind of person – I love talking to him, but never expect to get a word in edgewise, even when he is interviewing me. He wouldn’t get away with it if he wasn’t so darn charismatic.
Well, he certainly did succeed in making me think.
What the heck kind of guy am I looking for anyway?
My first thought was, one that intends to spend the rest of his life mostly amused and slightly annoyed.
eh, I can do better than that.
I’m looking for:
1. A companion, a sidekick, a partner in crime. A man who will fearlessly go down swinging at my side, when it’s just us against the world. Someone loyal, who won’t let me down or leave me hanging out to dry.
2. A defender, a fighter, a protector. A man who will stand up for me and stand up to me. A man who will investigate the things that go bump in the night, stomp the spiders out of my life, bluntly tell me when I’m wrong but understand that I’m almost always right. A man with strong arms and broad shoulders that makes me feel safe.
3. A man too honest to be good at poker, but too mischievous to stay out of trouble. A man that breaks rules, but only the stupid ones. A man that is called to a higher ethical code than that imposed upon him by modern society.
4. A man foolhardy enough to follow me on my crazy adventures, but grounded enough to keep me from going over the edges of the earth. Someone who can just go with it.
5. A man responsible enough to keep a steady income and pay bills on time and irresponsible enough to call in sick once in awhile and spend the day at the beach/in the park/climbing mountains/in bed with me.
6. A man smart enough to hold his own in intellectual conversation about ideas and greatness, but endearingly and charmingly foolish in the way that most men don’t know how to dress themselves or tie a bow.
7. A man patient enough to really get to know me. A man who can get along well with small children and large dogs.
8. A man who is caring and compassionate and tender, but not very sensitive. I like guys that are mostly detached from their real feelings and only really recognize “pissed off” and “happy” as emotions.
9. A man who is good at fixing things. A man with skills – who can survive in the wilderness and hunt a wild boar and make fire and who understands that I wouldn’t even be able to boil water to make a Cup-o-Noodles over a campfire. A man who can hammer a nail into the wall by hitting it twice (that impresses me). A man who doesn’t mind having dirt under his fingernails and has calloused hands.
10. A man that lives with passion. Lives without abandon. Respects life and has a notion of God.
OK, so those are 10 qualities that I would say I am looking for in a man. Here’s what I am not looking for in a man:
1. Cooking Skills (I consider men who know how to cook rather threatening to my femininity, actually. Probably because I’m a hack cook myself and don’t want my lover to ever know that….)
2. Advanced communication skills (Me Tarzan, You Jane works for me! and sounds like fun)
3. Degrees and Pedigrees (eh, nothing against them, but they don’t blow my skirt up)
4. Ego (mine is big enough for both of us, thanks!)
5. Style or Suave (Guys that are too “slick” come off as being insincere and untrustworthy. Don’t look or act too smooth.)
6. Receding hair lines (I like dudes with a full head of hair – not that I haven’t made exceptions in the past, but this is my dream list after all).
7. Confidence Issues (I’m not dealing with scaredy cats anymore.)
8. Unresolved anger (Angst is fine, but nothing deeper than a bit of nagging angst)
9. Lots of electronics (I spill lots of things)
10. A strong affinity for strip clubs, strippers, pornography and other girls with my name. (self-explanatory)
Well, I think that just about does it.
Interested applicants may comment below so my girl friends can commence the first trial: semi-public humiliation.