Fish-Sticks Reheated

I have writer’s block. It’s driving me crazy because I have such an itch to write right now and it will not be satiated. It’s almost like I’m incredibly itchy, but I don’t know where to start scratching first.

So, I visited my old blog to look for inspiration and came across the post that gave me the title for this blog, Charmed, I’m Sure. It really is a classic, so I’m cannibalizing and regurgitating it here.

Charmed, I’m Sure
From June 29, 2010

So I’ve never been what some may call “smooth” when it comes to talking to guys. I’m usually on the lookout for the kinda guy that appreciates quirky and accidentally witty rather than cool, composed and put together.  Believe you me, those kinda guys are few and far between!

Today, I thought I found one behind the fish counter at Stop and Shop. I thought he was flirting with me. I was wrong.

Now, my intuition may be a little off once in awhile, but usually I’m not totally oblivious to a guy when he is taking notice of me. I’ve noticed Fish Sticks noticing me for the past few months – on the days when I’m hitting the store in my sweats and birkies as well as the days I’m dressed to the 9’s and picking up two dozen limes on my way to a Mojito party. He notices. And I appreciate that he notices.

Today, I decided if he was there, I would buy a piece of fish.

He was there.

I waltzed through the fresh produce, picking up blueberries and baby spinach and watermelon. I was ramping myself up and trying to play it cool as I slowly made my way back to the seafood counter. There are about ten feet of space between the table of peanuts and the lobster tank that marks the seafood counter. As I cross those ten feet away from the safety of produce, I’m staring at him like he is my final destination or something.  Like I am walking down the aisle, about to say “I do,” or as if I am a robot on “seek-and-destroy” mode…. either way, it must of been really scary for him.

Fish Sticks handled it well though – he smiled at me. So i smiled back, and then realizing how scary I must have looked, immediately shifted my glaze to my blue toenails in a quick jerk of my head, like a little marionette doll whose sting had just been cut.

It’s cool. Play it cool. People smile because it shows the world that they are approachable. You’re good. Deep breath.

As I was studying my pedicure, I hear a voice, “Can I help you with anything tonight?”

In my head, I was screaming.

OH YES YOU CAN, YOU BRILLIANT REMAKE OF AN 80’S HAIR BAND ROCK STAR, YOU CAN PUSH ME UP AGAINST THIS HUGE ICE BOX, SET ME DOWN IN THE KING CRAB LEGS AND ROCK ME AGAINST THE SWORDFISH STEAKS UNTIL THE ICE MELTS

Really, I said, “Ummm in just a second” – still brilliant, buying more time, plenty of time, no rush – just breath, take your time, time time time, lots of time…..so much time that I read every label on every kind of fish about 5 times. Like there is really a huge difference between Tilapia and Flounder? I studied each fish as if it were going to be on an exam in the morning – standing right in front of each filet in the display, pausing and taking one step over to admire the next.

Crab Legs -Tilapia – Salmon – Swordfish Steaks – Flounder – Cod – Shrimp – Scallops. That was the order all the fish were in. See, I told you I studied.

Eventually, I realized that I had to say something. Something to show him I was here to bring home more than a piece of fish.

So, I asked, “How would you cook cod?” yeah, slick.

He responded, “On the broiler”

“Oh, OK….and….what would you use to season it?”

“Salt and Pepper. Some lemon”

“Ok. Can I have a piece then please? Just a small piece.”

And that’s when things got weird:

Mr. Fish Sticks, “You all alone then?”

My first thought: OHMYGOD HE IS GOING TO ASK ME OUT “Yeah….haha..ahem….all alone…yeah, alone and single” STOP WHILE YOU ARE AHEAD YOU IDIOT….WHY IS YOUR MOUTH STILL MOVING “I mean, I always think that people at the grocery store totally judge me when I check out.” STOP NOW “Like they look at the stuff I buy and think, single, this girl must live all by herself.”

Fish Sticks, “Awwww don’t say that, we don’t judge.”

Me, “Yeah, well. I am single. and I do live alone.” SO WHY DON’T YOU BREAK INTO MY HOUSE AND KILL ME? “But it’s not weird or anything.” NOT LIKE I’M A LOSER OR ANYTHING.

Fish Sticks, handing me the paper-wrapped single filet, “Well, here you go. Have a good night. Maybe I’ll see you around sometime”
Me, last chance to play it cool, so I say, “Ya totally. Later” BECAUSE IN CASE YOU WERE WONDERING, I AM STILL A HIGH SCHOOL KID THAT SAYS CRAP LIKE ‘TOTALLY’ AND ‘LATER’

Meg Ryan makes it all look so simple, doesn’t she?

In retrospect, it could be quite possible that Fish Sticks was never really flirting with me. At least not flirting with any intention. I found out much later that he not only flirts with my friend, D.B., but he actually asked for her number too.

Apparently, he’s just another one of those guys that likes short, pretty blonde girls.

Eh, I think Big Y just got a new cute butcher….maybe he’s in to tall, awkward brunettes.

Some days, you really just should stick with chicken.

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About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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6 Responses to Fish-Sticks Reheated

  1. clo says:

    Don’t be bitter!! /pout.

    • Ermodi says:

      aww, come on, like you’ve never thought someone was fliritng with you, only to find out that he’s into your friend instead. It’s your fault that you are short and adorable. I can pout about that just as much as you can pout about me being able to reach things on the top shelf! haha 😉

  2. T says:

    I have a great version of this story (Nordic Boy asking me to drive him to another girl’s place when I was DD). Apparently, they are not all interested in average height blondes. Wth. I thought I had a sure thing! 😉

  3. Ermodi says:

    T – would you be interested in guest blogging for me? haha that is a truly epic story!

  4. T says:

    Of COURSE I would. I’ll call you.

  5. Hi Maureen:
    Your story telling has all the right elements here. Ya start us off w/a bit of humor. Nice touch, btw. Then lead us into what MAY be an awkward situation but pull it off w/a return to your humor. Like the complete circle.

    Chris

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