Today, I opened up my electronic pay stub to count how many days of vacation I’ve saved up – 41.5 to be exact. At the time, I was on the phone with one of my married friends talking about where I’d like to travel, what adventures may be in store for me and how tacky it was for my ex to lie to me when he dumped me – pretty standard girl talk nowadays,we keep to the basics: travel, adventure and hating on former lovers. Just as we were really hashing out grand schemes and unresolved past baggage, the top corner of my pay stub caught my eye. It said: Marital Status – Single.
I busted out laughing. What the heck – how many reminders do I seriously need of my singlehood!?
My friend and I went back and forth for awhile about the pros and cons of our current situations: me hopelessly single and her married with a newborn. I was sitting at work with a Tupperware of leftover Thai food and she was at home, walking the sleeping baby in a stroller, making tiny laps inside her house. Trust me when I tell you that it was a tough call to decide who had the more glamorous life.
Which gave me the idea for this blog post. Aside from my pay stub, there are several things that serve to remind me every day of my current lack of marital status. Here is my toast – to the little luxuries and the little eccentricities.
I wake up every morning and hit the snooze button at least 8 times because there is no one t0 be bothered by the terrible habit.
S0metimes….most times….almost all the time….I leave wet towels on the bathroom floor.
I sleep smack in the middle of the bed and steal all of the covers from…myself. I think cover-stealing skills are important to maintain. I want to stay sharp – because you never know when love will strike.
The only thing I have to eat in my house is yogurt –
and the only thing I have to drink is gin.
I’ve trained my beagle to ring a bell when he needs to go out and pee and to sleep in until noon on the weekends.
All of my pictures are crooked because I don’t own a level.
I’ve chased the bugs that are “too scary to kill” into the guest room and shut the door.
My magazine rack is full of Vegetarian Times, Vogue and National Geographic.
There are no books in my bathroom (that is such a dude thing!)
All 43 pairs of my shoes fit in my closet.
My freezer holds a box of 100-calorie Klondike bars, two bottles of vodka and some frozen peas
Ani Difranco and the Indigo Girls are in my CD player right now
I still haven’t put the back seat back in my Jeep because it is soooooo heavy, I don’t want to lift it by myself
Half of my medicine cabinet is full of nail polish
I spend $117 at the make-up store on a semi-regular basis
Most of my shampoo bottles cost more than a full tank of gas
Sometimes, when I’m really bored, I paint my dog’s nails pink. He lets me.
I always keep fresh flowers on the kitchen table
I have the following photo-booth pictures I took of myself with my webcam on my computer:
Finally, the ultimate sign of being single:
I have a can of AquaNet and a cell phone on my nightstand just in case I need to blind any intruders and call 911 in the middle of the night