One More Text Message Post

Ok, I hope this is my last post about texting – but I need advice.

I’ll soon be announcing my official retirement from online dating. Pretty much the minute I figure out how to disable my OK Cupid profile, I’m done.

But there is one more person I am willing to meet. Or, was willing to meet…not sure anymore.

Here’s the issue. I gave him my number (got to stop doing that….)

For 2 weeks, he hasn’t made any attempt to meet up with me. Instead, he just sends casual text messages. Texting is not my favorite thing (as discussed in my previous post) especially if I don’t really know the person. But, I’m trying to be less neurotic in life in general and if that means accepting that my generation uses text messages to get from, “How r u?” to “Will u marry me?” well, I’m working on it…

Anyway, I feel like I’m being totally backburned right now. Like he has me simmering so that he can give me a quick stir and turn up the heat whenever he feels like it.

Personally, I do not like the idea of sitting on anyone’s backburner.

I ran my plan past a friend the other night. I said that the next time he texts me, I’ll write, “So, do you have any intention of asking me out? Because if not, you should just lose my number.”

She told me that might be a little….harsh. And suggested that I ask him out because he might be “shy.”

Now, I’m not sure what to do. On one hand, I don’t know if I support the idea of asking a guy out. Personally, I refuse to believe I’m very intimidating. If he doesn’t have the cajones to ask me out, he probably wouldn’t be able to hang with me.  I need someone who can match me and challenge me and stand up to me (otherwise I turn into a bully.) So, if he hasn’t moved from texting to coffee because he’s shy – well, I doubt he’d be very happy with me.

On the flip side, my theory is he is keeping me on the backburner. And I should give him the “lose my number” line.

Any insights? Suggestions? Ideas? H-E-L-P!

I'm just not a backburner girl....


About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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17 Responses to One More Text Message Post

  1. Emily says:

    Hmmm my theory is that he might be busy. If you like him, ask him out. I’m all about feminism and I know you are too, but I also totally agree with/understand what you mean about needing a man who can keep up with you. If he’s not the go getter personality then he won’t last long without being torn to shreds and left in the dust. You’re a strong, powerful, ferocious, independent, beautiful woman and you need a man who can appreciate and emphasize all of the fabulousness that is you. Any weaker man just will not do. So I say ask him out and if he still seems weak then just ditch the texter. But today’s dating world is ALL about texting sister. So go for a sexy, older man who is more into phone calls and love letters than texts 😉

  2. Ermodi says:

    You think I’d really tear him to shreds and leave him in the dust?

  3. Emily says:

    Absolutely. You need a Rhett Butler. Not an Ashley Wilkes.

  4. Ermodi says:

    Why, I swanee little sister, you do know me so well, now don’t you?

  5. T says:

    I say give him a chance – with low expectations. You’re single. It’s one night out. Find something you want to do anyway, could do alone, and invite him:
    “hey, there’s a ____ festival at ____ Sunday. Would you like to join me there? I hear they’ll have fried twinkies & beer.”

    If he meets up, great. If he can’t go, but suggests something else, great. If he can’t go, but offers nothing, quietly slip away. Just ignore his texts for a while, delete his number, whatever.

    And I like the idea of you & Rhett…

  6. clo says:

    Irony: he is having the same conversation on his blog about hating clingy women and wishing for once someone would just ‘feminist up’ and take the reigns to prove she’s not a complete dipshit who needs a man to direct her life. 😉

  7. SJ says:

    LOL I’m laughing because I had the same thoughts when I was online dating. The thing is the rules of dating change when you’re online. You’ve put yourself out there and I’m pretty sure you’ve not just waited for every guy to contact you. For a lot of guys and women online dating fits a lifestyle, if you’re busy and don’t have time to try conventional then online dating works, unfortunately it also works for the desperate and lonely hearts. I found the pushy ones were the ones that were so desperate to get in a relationship or to get laid that I started to be able to put people into groups of serious, players, stalkers and never in a million years.

    I love that people don’t like the idea that someone you’re talking to maybe talking to several others. Isn’t that the idea of online dating or should you put all your eggs in one basket based on an introductory message?

    If you’ve chatted, exchanged numbers, like what you’ve seen or sorry heard so far then ask if he wants to meet up for coffee. It’s not too forward it’s coffee not a meet me with my parents. Sometimes making the first move means you show you’re interested. If you don’t try how do you know? He maybe waiting for a sign from you that you’re interested, he’s not going to ask you outright, he’s a guy. Oops sorry for the essay x

  8. Mel says:

    Nah, I agree with Em, go with your gut. If he’s shy, or busy, or too many of any of those things to even ask you out to MEET you then I like your text message. Might you be dismissing a handsome, intelligent, funny, incredible Prince of some remote corner of Europe? Possibly. More than likely you’re dismissing some rando guy who may or may not have been broken up with by his girlfriend/wife/baby mamma. Trust me, sweetie, if you don’t like how they treat you in the beginning, things are unlikely to change in the future!

  9. Ermodi says:

    Yeah, I think I’d rather stay single than date a “texter.” Moving into “ignore mode” full speed ahead.

    By this time, I don’t even want to meet up with him anymore. I’m looking for a guy who makes me feel special – a text doesn’t do it for me.

    Since I’m not just looking to be in a relationship for the sake of being in a relationship, I can hold out a little longer.

    I’m all about being a strong independent firey woman and all – which is why I won’t chase after a guy. If he’s THAT passive/insecure, I’ll only bully him around and I’ll never respect him. And if he’s so disinterested in me that he’s not going to make an effort from the start, why the hell should I?

    There has got to be a balance between guys who are all grabby awkward and guys who only want to text (I had asked him if he wanted to talk and he said he preferred texting b/c it allows him to do other things…)

    And, for the record – if he is blogging about clingy girls, he’s sure as hell not blogging about me. I tend to fall more into the emotionally unattached and runaway categories. 😉

  10. Deb says:

    @Clo –
    Did you just call the author a clingy dipshit? I think you just did.

    Why come to a blog just to hate? Sounds to me like a little caddy-ness going on. Where did you even come from? The post was all about texting and not being direct.. where does the author come off as clingy???? Just curious because it makes very little sense..

  11. Go Frank Go says:

    *pops head through the doorway like a surprise sitcom cameo*

    Did somebody say “emotionally unattached”?

  12. Mike Print says:

    As a guy I’d say next time he texts you, text back saying ‘So are you going to ask me or do you just want to text’ something like that and see what his answer is. If he doesn’t ask you out then I’d tell him that you’re not interested and move on. Give the guy a chance but don’t let him mess you about! 🙂

  13. Bec Owen says:

    Trust your emotional guidance…you know you don’t like the feeling of this situation, so trust what you’re feeling.

    And you’ve already answered your own question…you said you can hold out a little longer…because you know that this situation doesn’t feel good, or feel right.

    The relationship that you want is already created (on an energetic or vibrational level), and all you need to do to let it happen is to think about things that feel good (on any subject)!

    Trust yourself…you know what is best for you.

  14. Lady Jessop says:

    Aw come’on. Ask him out. Via text. And then dump him. Via text. 🙂


  15. Ermodi says:

    Karen, you crack me up!

  16. Interesting says:

    I just had this. 1 date then all sorts of texting without asking me out. A lot of what are you up to? Then I go out and see him at a club clearly distracted by another girl. That feels even more icky. One thing to know it, another to see it. Next morning when he texts me, I ignore, but then he texts again. I tell him no thanks with no mention of seeing him out. Then he starts to push, and I tell him I saw him out and it felt icky. And no thanks. Then he calls me. He then says something about he did not know we were exclusive, when all I was trying to do was end it. It was like he was trying to make me the bad one. No bad one, just no thanks to men who are not interested…..

  17. Jason says:

    If you don’t know what to text back, go to TheNextText dot com our community will help you with the advice of the next text!

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