Primal Instincts

Remember my friend John Doe? Well, he had some interesting feedback for me today on my latest dating column.

An instant message popped up on my desktop at work:  You kidding me?? That guy  was definitely flirting with you.  (you did botch it up a little) but he was still flirting. If a guy is not interested in you, he won’t talk you or ask any unnecessary questions. “Can I help you?” is a necessary question, “You all alone?” is flirting.

Then, he gives me some advice: It’s so simple…I do this all the time…Go back in there tell him you know nothing about fish and it was awful because you ruined it and need better advice (jokingly and nice!!!) Then, ask him if he wants to go out sometime and give him your number…If he never calls…no big deal…if he does. MUY BUENO!!!!

John Doe backed up his logic with this: …and you know he was definitly flirting with you because he gave his number out to your friend like a week later…he’s this lonely supermarket guy looking for a chance at someone!!

My retort:  haha but he didn’t give ME his number

John Doe wasn’t ready to let it go though he told me that it didn’t matter:  If you were being goofy or staring at fish for three years or whatever he may be skidish…guys HATE, HATE putting themselves out there…Guys also love women who take the initiative and remove and magic games/guess work out of the equations. Guys love the no games thing when they first meet.

I saw his logic – but I couldn’t fully agree. In my experience, being open, honest and direct doesn’t work. I decide to push a button and say:  Ugh – but then they don’t appreciate you b/c they didn’t have to “chase” you down like a gazelle??

John Doe didn’t mince words:  That is the dumbest shit ever….

I don’t take it personally and let him continue: and somehow you women all believe this….I can’t figure out for the life of me how any intelligent creature would think like that. Think for a second logically – would a lion rather sprint after a gazelle in 110 degree heat through a desert to eat a meat or would he rather the gazelle lay on the ground and give itself to the lion and the lion didn’t have to do shit to eat??? Ask yourself that…I hate playing games with women…the only reason why I do it, is because of necessity because that is how women are…Lions chase gazelles to eat because of necessity because that’s the way gazelles are…But if a gazelle doesn’t run and play games it dies…if a woman doesn’t play games, nothing happens and she just may pick up a sane and logical dude.

I Googled pictures of Lions and Gazelles – this one seems to sum them up:

I understand and appreciate John Doe’s advice. But it probably won’t change my actions at all. Not because he’s wrong but because I’m not a real game player. I’m pretty upfront and honest about my feelings. I’m not a real gazelle – I don’t go in for the chase. At the same time, I’m not a lion -I don’t do the chasing and I’m certainly not an aggressor –  I’ve come back from a hunt empty-handed enough to know that I’d never make it as a lion.

I’m not sure exactly which safari animal I would be. Most days, I just feel like a sitting duck.

 

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About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
This entry was posted in Advice of the Solicited and Un Kind, Featured and tagged , , , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

6 Responses to Primal Instincts

  1. T says:

    Hahahah this reminds me of your shark post! If I were a safari animal, I think I’d be a wildebeest. Not as cute or coy as a gazelle. More plodding, more stubborn, surlier…

    …but I dare say a MUCH more filling meal.

  2. Sylvie says:

    I got news for you, that’s not a gazelle! So you would be neither. I see you more as the cheetah. You are willing to go out there, time after time, and even if the cheetah only succeeds 10% of the time during the hunt, the cheetah (you!) still goes out. It goes out because it has to do that to live and I see dating as a means for living. Maybe not dating itself as the means for living but the interaction. Did you ever see I am Legend? Wil Smith in New York for 3 years all by himself, he was crazy! Talking to manekins. Keep going out there on the hunt and one time, when you least expect it, you will get the best kill of you life! Just don’t become a hyena as they scavenge and you don’t want someone’s left overs. Man, I watch too much Discovery planet!

  3. Ermodi says:

    ahhh ha ha my Ex’s new Erin is such a hyena – she can scavenge those left overs all she wants. I think you’re right, Sylvie, this cheetah is craving fresh meat.

    T – I have the hardest time picturing you as a wildebeest. A howler monkey, maybe? Or one of those smart, quick little striped rodent things that stand up on their back legs and squint at the sun in all the commercials? They just made a movie about them….

  4. T says:

    No… I’m pretty sure I’m a wildebeest. Or maybe an elephant? They never forget the loss of a loved one. They are tough and slow and lovable.

    Nota bene: the female lionesses do ALL the hunting. Then the lions eat their fill, then they let the females eat. Messed up.

  5. Ermodi says:

    @ T – fuck lions. Let’s be penguins.

  6. T says:

    I like your style, madam, I like your style indeed! Six months asea eating fresh sashimi while the main man stays at the rookery holding an egg on his feet… I could be into that 😉

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