Loving at The Speed of Change

Lines.

You hear them all the time.

“Nice shoes.” Line.

“Maybe we could go out sometime.” Line

“Are you d.t.f?” Line. (Really bad line, PS).

“I live a few blocks from Here.” Line. “I have an XBox.” Line. “And Cheetos.” Line.

And, perhaps one of the best lines ever: “I’ll love you forever, nothing can ever change the way I feel about you right now.”

Oy, what fools we all are to believe this blatant lie! And how we always fall into it! When it is a known and widely accepted truth that feelings change. Yearly, Monthly, Daily, Hourly, instantaneously!

Not saying I don’t believe in forever love. I do. I really really think it’s out there – against the odds and statistics and everything I’ve experienced that has proven otherwise – I believe that love can last forever.

What I don’t believe is that you will always feel the same way about someone. I mean, who are you to ever pledge that your feelings will never change? We’re dynamic creatures; constantly in a state of change. As you grow, you change and you grow and change every second of every day.

Physically – you change. You grow taller, you lose an appendage, you lose your hair, you dye your hair, you cut your hair,  your hair turns gray, you gain weight, you lose weight, you earn scars, you erase tattoos, you straighten/whiten/lose/replace your teeth, you wrinkle, you sag, you get blotchy, you get worry lines and laugh lines and stretch marks and one day, you’ll see your own reflection in the eyes of a loved one and realize the beauty you’ve gained through years of experience.

Mentally – you change. You read more, you learn more, you know less, you change your views, you change your votes,  you stand up for more, you fight for more, you fight for less, you get bored, you seek truth, you hide in lies, and if you are smart, you learn to hold onto patience and hold out for love – because it’s only worth it when its real.

Emotionally – you change. Your temper quickens, your charm increases, your charm decreases, you get hard and bitter, you learn to be vulnerable again,  you find patience, you cry more, you laugh less, you laugh until you cry, you go crazy, you find your sanity, and if you are lucky or brave, you take the leap and get to see just how deep love can run.

You just change.

You change your goals – you want your career, you want a baby, you want your freedom, you want to belong to someone, you want to get married, you need a divorce, you find yourself, you lose your mind.

You change your look – you wear skirts and heels, you wear birks and cords, you wear sweats and sneakers, you wear nothing at all…

You deal with stress – you yell and scream, you dissolve into a silent solitude. You want to be alone….you just want someone to be there.

You change – every single day.

And the truth is, so does everyone around you. So how can you promise that your feelings will never change, when the only promise worth making is to keep up with another, change and grow and support them in their journeys and feelings and phases.

You can promise your life to someone, you can promise your heart. But never promise to love them statically….not in this life. You just won’t make it.

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About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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6 Responses to Loving at The Speed of Change

  1. Pamela says:

    Best post. Period. So true!!!!!!! Thanks for writing it!

  2. Mel says:

    Love it! Absolutely true! I think that’s the thing about relationships – you grow together or you grow apart. It might be scary to think that nothing may be permanent, but it’s a fact of life (that I’m still grappling with). It’s funny that we’re creatures who deal so poorly with loss – death is enormously hard for us, but it happens to every living creature. Change is – as you so eloquently said – happening all the time in each individual, whether it’s conscious or not. SO WHY ARE WE SO FRICKIN’ ATTACHED?! Or at least convinced at some deep level that we can try to cling to something? I think it’s a design flaw. I guess we could get all psycho-social here – our development as a culture and species makes us believe that we can count on others and that change isn’t inevitable so that we will have babies, fall in love, join communities for the betterment of all. But that feels like a cop-out. Let me know when you figure out how to embrace this through-and-through. I’m still struggling only knowing it on an intellectual level!

    Brilliant post! Someone needed to say it! You, of course, always say it best! =)

  3. Ermodi says:

    Thanks so much, ladies!

  4. sukanya says:

    well said!
    and so true…we are dynamic creatures…ever changing and evolving.
    one would have to be ignorant to make such promises.

  5. T says:

    Line: “yo girl, what your name sound like?”

  6. Change is constant, Maureen. It’s good to see you understand that. I like the saying:
    The only constant is change.

    Don’t about you but I wouldn’t want it any other way. Change wouldn’t have brought me the BEST friend I’ve EVER had. Change wouldn’t have brought me the job I have now.

    The only thing you can do is embrace change and ride the wave.

    Excellent post, Maureen.
    Thanks for the August 20th wishes. Had the BEST day EVER!

    Chris

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