Blue is my natural hair color.
That was a lie.
This post is about lies.
My girlfriends don’t know this, but I conducted a secret poll of their break-up experiences, analyzed the data, made some charts and decided to share the results on my blog:
100% of all men lie when breaking up with their girlfriend. No freaking duh, huh?
Now, before I sound like I’m rallying the man-haters and declaring war on the men-defenders, hear me out. I don’t blame them for lying. It’s like a necessary evil – something girls need to get over and let go. Your Ex was not honest with you when he dumped you.
Sure, it sucks. And it gives girls all sorts of reasons to have baggage *ahem* trust issues *ahem* commitment issues *ahem* daddy issues *ahem* intimacy issues….I could go on….
Still, I get it. Guys are already doing the terrible dirty deed of breaking your heart, the last thing they want to do is make it messy (*ahem* make you cry). Actually, I don’t know a single guy who can really deal with a girl when the waterworks turn on. Most either panic, “Ohmygod MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP,” freeze, “Umm…is…something….wrong?” or try to jump in and fix it, “Here, take this Kleenex and I’m going to go get us some General Tao’s Chicken.”
Plus, since 50% of men say they would dump their girlfriend if she gained weight, I can understand the lie. No one wants to look that superficial. Other studies suggest that men are habitual liars and too lazy to tell the truth, or that women even force men to lie.
I don’t want to box the situation in too much – men lie for many reasons. I just think a huge contributing factor has got to be their abhorrence for that crying thing.
Tears can be very confusing for men – they are this terrible consequence that must be avoided at all costs. A classic way of avoiding this estrogen-driven display of emotion is lying. Men say stuff like, “No, there is no one else. I just need to be single for awhile” or “Yeah, I had a really great time, I’ll give you a call….sometime” or “No, everything is ok, I just have a lot on my mind, I’ll call you later” or “I’ll always love you”or “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this decision.”
I don’t think men lie because they are self-serving, I think they honestly don’t want to hurt our feelings (and make us cry).
And you know what, I lie too. Rejection stings. No one likes to be rejected. In rejection, a little white lie can go along way to ease the burn.
For example, I’ve been quoted saying the following falsehoods:
No, it’s not you, I’m just not in a good place in my life for a relationship right now.
Thanks for dinner, I had a great time.
Yeah, we should do this again sometime, just give me a call.
It’s no big deal, we can try again later.
Sorry, I’m currently seeing someone.
I don’t want to ruin our friendship.
And, the infamous: No, I’m not mad at you.
I can’t help myself. I know there must be a tactful way of saying, “I’m not interested in dating you anymore” but the words just never come to me in the moment, so I tell a little fib. I would hate to see a grown man cry.