Lying Like an Ex

Blue is my natural hair color.

That was a lie.

This post is about lies.


My girlfriends don’t know this, but I conducted a secret poll of their break-up experiences, analyzed the data, made some charts and decided to share the results on my blog:

100% of all men lie when breaking up with their girlfriend. No freaking duh, huh?

Now, before I sound like I’m rallying the man-haters and declaring war on the men-defenders, hear me out. I don’t blame them for lying. It’s like a necessary evil –  something girls need to get over and let go. Your Ex was not honest with you when he dumped you.

Sure, it sucks. And it gives girls all sorts of reasons to have baggage *ahem* trust issues *ahem* commitment issues *ahem* daddy issues *ahem* intimacy issues….I could go on….

Still, I get it. Guys are already doing the terrible dirty deed of breaking your heart, the last thing they want to do is make it messy (*ahem* make you cry). Actually, I don’t know a single guy who can really deal with a girl when the waterworks turn on. Most either panic, “Ohmygod MAKE IT STOP MAKE IT STOP HOW DO YOU MAKE IT STOP,” freeze, “Umm…is…something….wrong?” or try to jump in and fix it, “Here, take this Kleenex and I’m going to go get us some General Tao’s Chicken.”

Plus, since 50% of men say they would dump their girlfriend if she gained weight, I can understand the lie. No one wants to look that superficial. Other studies suggest that men are habitual liars and too lazy to tell the truth, or that women even force men to lie.

I don’t want to box the situation in too much – men lie for many reasons. I just think a huge contributing factor has got to be their abhorrence for that crying thing.

Tears can be very confusing for men – they are this terrible consequence that must be avoided at all costs. A classic way of avoiding this estrogen-driven display of emotion is lying. Men say stuff like, “No, there is no one else. I just need to be single for awhile” or “Yeah, I had a really great time, I’ll give you a call….sometime”  or “No, everything is ok, I just have a lot on my mind, I’ll call you later” or “I’ll always love you”or “I have a feeling I’m going to regret this decision.”

I don’t think men lie because they are self-serving, I think they honestly don’t want to hurt our feelings (and make us cry).

And you know what, I lie too. Rejection stings. No one likes to be rejected. In rejection, a little white lie can go along way to ease the burn.

For example, I’ve been quoted saying the following falsehoods:

No, it’s not you, I’m just not in a good place in my life for a relationship right now.

Thanks for dinner, I had a great time.

Yeah, we should do this again sometime, just give me a call.

It’s no big deal, we can try again later.

Sorry, I’m currently seeing someone.

I don’t want to ruin our friendship.

And, the infamous: No, I’m not mad at you.

I can’t help myself. I know there must be a tactful way of saying, “I’m not interested in dating you anymore” but the words just never come to me in the moment, so I tell a little fib. I would hate to see a grown man cry.


About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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8 Responses to Lying Like an Ex

  1. Go Frank Go says:

    This comment is true.

  2. Go Frank Go says:

    The previous comment is false.

  3. Ermodi says:

    haha typical, Frank. Not surprised in the least…

  4. Lady Jessop says:

    My favorite man-lie was “I’ll call you.” I’m embarassed to admit how many times I heard that and believed it.

    Concerning tears, they freak my poor husband OUT! He panics and when he panics he yells. And when he yells I cry harder. It’s a horrible cycle we both prefer to avoid.

    You’re wise for your years my dear!

  5. Jon Deere says:

    There is no excuse for a lie… ever. Reality cannot be faked. In the realm of relationships one owes it to the other party as well as to themselves to be honest about the situation. If not they WILL repeat it until they confront themselves with the truth.

  6. Not making excuses for the men, I do agree that our tears and clinginess at times makes them lie and run!

  7. sukanya says:

    occassional lying, using little white ones is fine, healthy. everyone does it and there is no harm in admitting it. yes, men do get clumsy when the see tears and emotions. they are just inadeqaute when it comes to dealing with them.

  8. Ermodi says:

    Thanks for the comments, everyone! I love hearing from you (even when you just want to disagree with me, ahem, John Deere)

    PS – Corinne, I go back and read your “unicorns and soulmates post” all the time. It’s one of my favorites 😉

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