Laws of Attraction

I might have gotten a C- in Chemistry, but that’s only because I was crap at balancing equations, calculating half-lives, and remembering the difference between similar but opposite terms like, “exothermic and endothermic” or “solute and solvent.” I shudder to think of it all. Still, I made it through the class with 71.62% of the required information tucked away in the depths of my brain and my degree in Bio-Chem.

Now, as far as the application of Real Chemistry to Real Life, well, I hate to brag, but I’m good….really good….like 4.0 kinda good.

Chemistry and Attraction make a lot of sense to me. They are naturally occurring compounds like CO2, H2O and HNO3 (Nitric Acid). But the thing about Chemistry and Attraction is they can’t be created or feigned – at least not for long. Like lab-created crystals, lab-created attraction doesn’t hold its value when compared to naturally occurring attraction.

In my extensive studies of attraction, I’ve prepared the following tutorial.

Initial attraction can be grouped into one of two categories: either Attraction to the Present (APS) or Attraction to the Potential (APO).

I officially made up both of those official sounding terms.

While men may initially lean more towards APS and women towards APO, both genders are susceptible to attraction in either form. I wanted to back my theories up with research, but the topics currently trending when Google searching “sexual attraction” involved How to Make Yourself More Attractive to Members of the Opposite Sex (by looking more genetically stacked to reproduce) and If Homosexuality is an Evolutionary Viable Option.

So, you’re stuck with my thoughts and experiences on this one.

APS is the reason we have one-night-stands. Overwhelming attraction in the moment. APS allows you to be attracted to someone with whom you have no reasonable expectation of a relationship. Like Prince William.

APS is, “Can I buy you a drink – what are you up to later – do you want to come back to my place and *ahem.*”

APS is, “You touch me and my heart skips a beat – not sure why I can’t stop blabbering about the most random things when you are near – please don’t notice that I’m blushing right now.”

APS is, “I just can’t stop staring at you – I got so flustered, I forgot my zip code the last time we talked – my, god you have strong arms.”

Get the picture?

APO is the reason for all of those heartbreaking ramblings about unrequited love. As Jane Austen said, A lady’s imagination is very rapid; it jumps from admiration to love, from love to matrimony in a moment. APO allows us to fantasize about what it would be like to be with someone. You are attracted to them, but more importantly, you are attracted to the potential of a relationship with them – you are attracted to who they might be. APO is embedded in the deepest roots of neurosis. If left unchecked, APO breeds stalkers and cat ladies (both those links are totally worth the click, I PROMISE!)

APO is, “Even if my first name doesn’t sound good with your last name, I’ll get over it – we’d make really cute babies – I bet you like cuddling.”

APO is, “I wonder if you would beat someone up for me – we should go on a picnic – I bet we’d argue all the time.”

APO is, “You’ll feel like an asshole the first time you make me cry – my mom is going to love you – I hope you know what you’re in for…”

Generally, I lean towards APO.  Sure, I have my APS moments, but they don’t measure up to the APO element. I blame it all on my rapid and overactive imagination. Usually, by the time a guy has figured out if he wants to ask me to a movie on Friday night, I’ve made up my mind as to whether or not I will be saying, “I do.”

The thing about APO is that as soon as the potential for a relationship is removed, it fizzles.

Immediately.

He has a wife/girlfriend/life-partner – bam – deal-breaker. The potential is gone. Well, unless you are a poacher, but I’ll dedicate a whole post to relationship poachers later.

I’ve actually only been in one instance in which my APO hasn’t fizzled at one of the automatic dealbreakers….which almost put the breaks on me writing this blog post because I felt like a phony. I am not a poacher. I would never pursue an unavailable man. Then, I realized the APOAPS combination was creating an unexpected and never before seen reaction in my psyche. The attraction wouldn’t go away, but I could fight the magnetic draw and stay away. It was my only option. I’m classy like that.

The Laws of Attraction cannot be broken. They are time-tested, balanced, solved, and found true. That’s why they are laws, not theories. See, I did get something out of Chem 1.


 

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About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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7 Responses to Laws of Attraction

  1. Andy says:

    Hello.
    I’m visiting from the group We The Bloggers.

    Smiling…what a fun & creative post!
    Thanks for sharing.

    Do come visit me here:
    Thoughts Of Beauty In The Stillness Of Dawn

  2. flimflamsam says:

    An interesting way of looking at attraction. I don’t like to look at it so black and white. I believe attraction can be lawless. But I suppose people need excuses for their actions.

  3. very educational. i previously believed that alcohol and other mood altering drugs were responsible for one-night-stands … who knew it was APS???

  4. sukanya says:

    Bio-Chem 101 eh? Great post-enjoyed reading it. I am glad you are putting your degree to some use unlike most of us:-) I wish you more sustainable APO’s.

  5. T says:

    ugh this is all too true. i am GUILTY of looking at a guy and immediately committing the crime of quick punnet squares in my head: “our kids would have a 75% chance of blond hair and 50% chance of blue eyes, depending on what color his mom’s and dad’s eyes are….”

    it appears i put my biology degree to good use too….

  6. Mel says:

    If I remember correctly you got an A- in Chem, and that’s only because you and I spent the ENTIRE class talking. And A.S. was our dissection note-keeper. And our entire goal was to make J.P. talk because the strong silent type thing was clearly a rouse.

    Oh, wait, that was about 10 million years ago =) Or 10. Whatever.

    Love it. Also, don’t forget your evolutionary bio in there – women are programmed for APO – will this guy stick with me with the baby, fight off the saber-toothed tigers, and bring us woolly mammoth meat or will the bastard not remember my name tomorrow at the camp fire?

  7. Ermodi says:

    haha great comments everyone! Thank you so much for reading!!!

    Linda – it’s all APS, alcohol is NEVER a causative factor in a one-nighter….you just can’t argue with science and stuff…

    T – you better have blonde babies!!!! I think your recessive genes will win out no matter what – they have spunk!!

    Mel – You’re right! I got an A- in Chem back in high school – Chemistry was Algebra based in high school. In college, it was Calculus based and I def. got a C- (to mirror my Calc grade haha)

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