Do you ever feel like: YIKES, everyone is having sex but me!!!
Welcome to my world.
For my fellow Gleeks – *spoiler alert* there were two serious sexual milestones in this week’s show, both which The Atlantic says Glee did right. Teen sex is a reality in our society (and has been for quite some time), so it’s great to see a show acknowledging it and preaching safe sex. Still, the “everybody’s doing it” message was definitely reinforced – even I felt the pressure to have a romantic moment in front of a the fireplace with my first true love. But you know what? My first true love and I never had sex. We never even dated (which is a detail I usually like to leave out). I was stupid in love with my college best friend who told me to “have a nice life” when I graduated and never talked to me again. Unrequited love stories never have happy endings.
Still, growing up, I didn’t feel the pressure of “everybody’s doing it.” Maybe that’s because most of my friends were not doing it – and I never even had anyone to do it with until I was 17. Even then, my first boyfriend was also a virgin and had the self control of a saint (one of those good saints), so we’d just make out like bandits in the back of my Dad’s Volvo and I’d come home covered in hickeys. No harm, no foul – except I had to creatively cover a rather conspicuous “love bite” in my senior portraits, but really, who didn’t?
This week’s episode of Glee actually made me wonder if I had missed out on some high school right of passage. A sentiment which, in turn, made me grateful that I never had to deal with serious peer pressure in my teenage years because, obviously, I would have caved! Still, I don’t have any regrets. I plan on telling my daughters one day that the first man they sleep with will break their heart – even if they end up married to him, especially if they end up married to him, he’ll break their heart. I’ll also tell them not to be afraid, a broken heart won’t kill them – even though it always feels like it.
Talking about heartbreak – have you all been watching the Jess and Ramon saga on this season of the Biggest Loser?
From this very reputable source, you can see that Jess clearly hooked up with Ramon. My friend HP reinforced this by telling me there is no way Ramon would be so attached to her/sad she got voted off if she wasn’t the first girl with whom he’d engaged in sexual relations. I can’t say I disagree with him and I totally understand how the intense connection happens. People form very tight bonds very quickly when put in close quarters under stressful conditions – like a weight loss reality television show. Still, if contestants on The Biggest Loser are getting a better cardio workout in the bedroom than me, I think it’s time for me to be a little more proactive.
So, I baked a mediocre batch of chocolate chip cookies to bring to my class tomorrow (you know, that whole the way to a man’s heart is his stomach adage). I doubt they will win anyone’s heart or…ahem…because, well, they just are not that good. I don’t know why I’m just really not that great of a cook. I feel like I should be, given the legacy of my true southern Crawfish Etouffee making Grandmother and chicken frying Mom, but there’s always something wrong with my baking.
A few weeks ago, I had some men-friends come over to do a little heavy lifting for me (namely moving a washer and dryer set from one end of the basement to the other….twice) so, I repaid them with baking: pumpkin pie and key lime cake. The crust of the pie burned (I didn’t know that trick of putting tin foil over the edges) and somehow the cake came out lop-sided and burned on one edge. The guys didn’t complain, of course, but I felt like I’d failed at one of my basic womanly duties. How the hell did my cake come out of the oven lopsided? It’s not like my kitchen has a list or anything.
I doubt I’ll ever lure a man into the bedroom with my culinary prowess, but, just in case, would someone buy a set of measuring spoons for me this Christmas? I think step one has got to be to stop “eyeballing” and throwing in a little “extra” for “good measure.”