I got the coolest post card from my friend T:
dearest Erin –
in life, sometimes you are the bird.
sometimes, you are the cat.
sometimes you are the recipient of a darkly humorous and beautiful postcard
from a friend who loves you.
Sending love and support to you, from me.
I’d bet T’s post card came from one of those snarky Seattle bookstores, the kind that smell of coffee and crumb cake and dirt and air circulated through green bamboo leaves – the kind that I miss so much! It’s a shame I don’t have a blank one just like it because I have a friend who could use this darkly humorous and beautiful post card…
B telephoned me the other day to discuss life and love and adventure. B’s one of the most unique people I’ve ever met, with a true and tender heart and the ability to breath fire. Really.
B wanted my expert opinion on how to best quench unrequited love. Now, if you know me, you’ll know that I am not an expert in love, by anyone’s stretch of the imagination. I’m not really any kind of expert – I have a B.S. in marine environmental sciences, experience as a ship-driver and a job as a dating columnist. Clearly, I don’t know where I am going or what I really want or how I’m going to get anywhere.
However, I do have extensive experience with love of the unrequited kind – on both sides of it and I have become kinda a magnet for dating advice – people are always throwing tidbits of advice my way. Sometimes I gobble them up like a hungry dog, sometimes I swat them away as if they are annoying gnats – usually I file them away for later, so I can share the wealth with my other hopeless friends.
Unfortunately, when B asked for my advice, the only thing that came to mind was, “You either need to start hating them or start loving someone else.”
While it would probably work, that’s crap advice. I owe him something more…
I looked online, but not even a doctor seemed to know what to say about unrequited love. I decided to just write something myself.
So, here’s my Art of Requiting the Unrequited Post for B:
I’m sorry to hear you are stuck in the muck of an unrequited love affair. I’m sure you don’t need me to tell you this, but I’m saying it for the record anyway: you deserve to be truly loved and appreciated. You deserve love to be like the breaths you take – natural and equal coming in as what you are putting out. Darling B, you deserve a partner in crime who can keep up with you and continue to inspire you to chase your dreams. Please keep that in mind – write it in dry erase marker on your bathroom mirror or post-it note it to the inside of your wallet.
While knowing what you deserve may not help the way you feel right now, I hope you’ll find some of these tactics useful:
1. Take it out in your art – Draw, B! Draw, paint, sculpt, write! Beautiful works have been created from the passions of feelings that were not reciprocated. Like the Lady of Shalott.
2. Take a friend on a great adventure – if you go by yourself, you may spend too much time in the dark imaginings of love. You know more than anyone just how big the world is – never stop exploring it!
3. Continue to develop your skills! Cook, invent, build, create, teach, learn, write, read – make tortillas, milk a goat, ride a camel, journey to space. Healthy distraction can provide the space and time necessary to heal.
4. Meet new people. Invest in them. Learn their stories. Share your heart.
5. Take more risks – break your heart again and again and again. Grow.Hurt.Overcome.Hope.Live. Put one foot in front of the other each and every day. Allow time and distance to work their magic. Never discount your feelings as they are real and true – and entirely out of your control. Guide your energies towards positive actions. Don’t be afraid. Trust your judgment and follow your heart. Hope for truer and stronger love in the future.
Take care, B.
Peace and Love to you, my friend.