At the end of a long December, there’s one phrase I hear every year as the clock strike’s midnight: “May this one be better than the last.”
This New Year’s Eve, I looked around the crowded room (um – am I sounding like a certain Counting Crows song to anyone else?) yes. anyway. focus. I looked around the room and noticed some skulls:
I was in a cantina.
I looked over my shoulder and observed a very excited crowd of people surrounding me, one man drunkenly leaning so far over the back of my bar-stool, I thought he was going to pop my personal bubble. I’m not sure if he was really so drunk he couldn’t support himself or if he was trying for the best vantage point to keep an eye on his date’s grossly over-exposed bosom. I guess it doesn’t make much of a difference.
Each individual conversation muddled together into a roar, but if you took a moment to dissect the cliques you could hear they were all saying the same thing, they were all crying for a better time in 2012 than they had in 2011. I was overwhelmed with my own inability to relate.
Maybe it’s that my 2011 wasn’t too bad. Or maybe I just take for granted the fact that there are lots of good things coming my way in 2012 – either way, I couldn’t add my own desperate cry for a better year to the mass plea. It was 3 minutes to midnight – everyone around me was resolving to do something. And I was drawing a blank. I turned to my $10 glass of pink sparkling champagne for inspiration.
I’ve made New Year’s Resolutions in the past – and usually enjoyed my attempts to make good on them. Still, I couldn’t think of anything for this year.
The problem is, I’m happy.
Not manically happy (all the time), but I’m satisfied.
I don’t want to resolve to change anything about me. Except for my nose. Other than that though, I like me. Just as I am. I don’t want to nit-pick at myself to change shit because I feel like all of my vices and virtues are in place for a reason. Eh, I guess I could swear less….but really, I embrace my crazy. And it’s taken me a really long time to truly be ok with myself.
It’s ok that I like watching crap television shows like Grey’s Anatomy, The Biggest Loser, and The Bachelorette.
It’s ok that I sometimes read “kids books” like The Hunger Games.
It’s ok that I sometimes drink too much and sometimes blow too much money on frivolous spa treatments and sometimes show up late to things.
It’s ok that I let the gas light come on in the car before I even consider filling up with gas – that’s what the light is for!
It’s ok that I hit the snooze button 8 times every morning and sometimes eat expired yogurt for dinner.
It’s ok that I don’t always do my dishes right away and I leave clean clothes in the dryer and take them out as I need them and that I don’t make my bed in the morning.
It’s probably not ok that sometimes I don’t floss….hmmm I should work on that one.
But it is ok that I’m loud and silly and sometimes awkward and sometimes completely oblivious to social taboos or fashion standards.
It’s ok that I don’t know exactly where my life is going all the time….like right now. No freaking clue.
It’s ok that I haven’t sent my Christmas cards out yet…shit, that’s probably not ok either, actually. *Note to self – write Christmas cards and floss twice a day.
It’s ok that I sometimes have nuclear-emotional meltdowns.
It’s ok that I don’t always know the right thing to say.
It’s ok that I can’t sing and I can’t dance and I can’t play guitar.
It’s ok that I cry in movies and during those ASPCA commercials. It’s ok that I cry when I’m mad. And when I’m happy. And just for the hell of it.
It’s ok that I have a really really really hard time saying “no” to people.
It’s ok that I have 49 pairs of shoes.
It’s ok that I sometimes skip church – at least I hope that’s ok….
It’s ok to not have any real resolutions for the 2012.
And it is most definitely ok to wear unreasonable shoes, if they are banging!
Happy New Year, Everyone! May this one be better than the last!
*PS – I also gotta stop falling asleep wearing eye-makeup.