Yeah, I Just Said Vagina

Ladies,

It is time to get down and dirty ahem intimate with vaginas.

Yeah- I just said “The V word” – or “The other V word…” however you want to look at it. Either way, the social taboos placed on our body parts hurt our personal and collective understanding of our anatomy and sex. I say we grow up and start talking like adults.

Amongst the slang and the crude, through the demeaning and the illogical, even phallic nicknames for a woman’s genitalia, there are very few that I have ever felt comfortable claiming.

In the past few years, “Va-jay-jay” has taken many of my friends by storm as a “cute” nickname for our previously regarded “most private parts,” um  “down there,”or “ahem, you know.”

However, there are so many other names that many women, myself included, don’t desire to lay claim to. A quick internet search yields: beaver, bush, bearded clam, pussy, cunt, crack, crease, furbox, slot, and adam’s cave. There is a more complete list here…if you dare.

Ew.

According to the New York Times, there are over 1,200 slang words for vagina.

How many of those names sound like they were impressed upon the misunderstood idea of a vagina by hormone-crazed boys looking to make fun of something they had never seen? Many nicknames can be categorized as distasteful, demeaning and  downright disgusting. They turn a normal part of female anatomy into something weird, gross and uncomfortable. Do we need nicknames for our hands, eyes, mouths, ears, feet or knees to feel comfortable talking about them? Of course not. Why would we need to use anything other than the correct anatomical term for any part of our bodies?

I decided to create a new nickname to show how silly it is to constantly speak in metaphor, to laugh at the idea of a nickname for my “little girl” and to own this word that defines such an intimate part of me.

Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to come up with a new descriptor that was left off the extensive list of vagina nicknames.

I decided on: Oyster.

Image from: http://www.infovisual.info/02/009_en.html

Here’s some basic Oyster information derived from Wikipedia (yeah, don’t pretend like you are too good for Wikipedia!):

Outer Appearance: The Oyster shell consists of two usually highly calcified valves which surround a soft body….Oysters always orient themselves with their outer, flared shell tilted upward….The submerged shell opens periodically to permit the oyster to feed….

Getting to an Oyster: Oysters are harvested by simply gathering them from their beds. In very shallow waters they can be gathered by hand or with small rakes. In somewhat deeper water, long-handled rakes or oyster tongs are used to reach the beds….

Taste: Raw oysters are regarded like wines in that they have complex flavors that vary greatly among varieties and regions: some taste sweet, others salty or with a mineral flavor, or even like melon. The texture is soft and fleshy…

Sexual Context: Oysters have always been linked with love. When Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, sprang forth from the sea on an oyster shell and promptly gave birth to Eros, the word “aphrodisiac” was born. The dashing lover Casanova also used to start a meal eating 12 dozen oysters.

I’m going to let all that innuendo speak for itself.

Seriously, I’d feel silly telling my GYN that I had a concern with my “Oyster.” I’d be even more uncomfortable asking my friends questions about their “Oysters.”

Why do we need 1,200 nicknames for our vagina? Why are people so uncomfortable talking about their genitalia? And am I the only one who finds it a little ridiculous to tap dance around the word?

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About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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7 Responses to Yeah, I Just Said Vagina

  1. T says:

    i have heard that children who learn to use the proper, medical terms for their respective anatomies are at less risk to be victims of molestation. perhaps because there is less shame associated with talking about “your privates” if you use a rather un-private word for them.

    V-power!

  2. If I hadn’t yet imbibed enough coffee to properly awaken me, this post sure would have done the trick. Good question, Maureen. Why do we dance around this issue? I think how we are raised has a lot to do with whether or not we are comfortable with our sexuality and telling it like it is.
    When raising my children, I used the “technical” names and tried not to attach any stigmas to them. Hope I did okay . . .
    Blessings!

  3. In response to the first commenter, I had to chuckle. I taught my sons the proper words for anatomy from the start, which promptly got them kicked out of their pre-school program a few years later. The director called me on the phone and said, “I’m sorry, Linda. I know you are just trying to teach them to be straight about these things, but I’m going to get closed down if the other kids pick this up from them and go home saying ‘penis’ and ‘vagina’!”

    As for me, I honestly don’t know when was the last time the word vagina came up in a conversation so I don’t really need to call it anything. Just curious, what do you ask you ask your friends about this???

  4. Ermodi says:

    Hahaha Thanks for the comments, ladies!

    Linda, I love your story! And good question….when do I even need to talk to my friends about our collective vaginas? More often that I would have guessed. My group of girl friends is very tight-knit and tend to go to each other first before looking things up on the internet if we have questions or symptoms of a UTI or yeast infection or a bad waxing experience or any concern about any bodily function….While I don’t think I’ve ever called and asked, “So how are you and your vagina doing today?” I can think of a few “is this normal” conversations.

    I tend to ask friends and then my mom and then my doctor about any bodily concerns I have.

  5. Lindsay says:

    And extensive conversation about the pain we inflict on our V’s from waxing is a good case study on how often and how much they are spoken about among friends 🙂

  6. Stephanie says:

    I’m late to this party but I’m with Dangerous Linda. I’m teaching my girls the proper terms for their body parts. Also for breasts. I don’t use any cute names for any of our lady parts.

  7. Pingback: Oyster cunt | Prestigepartyp

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