It is time to get
down and dirty ahem intimate with vaginas.
Yeah- I just said “The V word” – or “The other V word…” however you want to look at it. Either way, the social taboos placed on our body parts hurt our personal and collective understanding of our anatomy and sex. I say we grow up and start talking like adults.
Amongst the slang and the crude, through the demeaning and the illogical, even phallic nicknames for a woman’s genitalia, there are very few that I have ever felt comfortable claiming.
In the past few years, “Va-jay-jay” has taken many of my friends by storm as a “cute” nickname for our previously regarded “most private parts,” um “down there,”or “ahem, you know.”
However, there are so many other names that many women, myself included, don’t desire to lay claim to. A quick internet search yields: beaver, bush, bearded clam, pussy, cunt, crack, crease, furbox, slot, and adam’s cave. There is a more complete list here…if you dare.
How many of those names sound like they were impressed upon the misunderstood idea of a vagina by hormone-crazed boys looking to make fun of something they had never seen? Many nicknames can be categorized as distasteful, demeaning and downright disgusting. They turn a normal part of female anatomy into something weird, gross and uncomfortable. Do we need nicknames for our hands, eyes, mouths, ears, feet or knees to feel comfortable talking about them? Of course not. Why would we need to use anything other than the correct anatomical term for any part of our bodies?
I decided to create a new nickname to show how silly it is to constantly speak in metaphor, to laugh at the idea of a nickname for my “little girl” and to own this word that defines such an intimate part of me.
Surprisingly, it wasn’t hard to come up with a new descriptor that was left off the extensive list of vagina nicknames.
I decided on: Oyster.
Image from: http://www.infovisual.info/02/009_en.html
Here’s some basic Oyster information derived from Wikipedia (yeah, don’t pretend like you are too good for Wikipedia!):
Outer Appearance: The Oyster shell consists of two usually highly calcified valves which surround a soft body….Oysters always orient themselves with their outer, flared shell tilted upward….The submerged shell opens periodically to permit the oyster to feed….
Getting to an Oyster: Oysters are harvested by simply gathering them from their beds. In very shallow waters they can be gathered by hand or with small rakes. In somewhat deeper water, long-handled rakes or oyster tongs are used to reach the beds….
Taste: Raw oysters are regarded like wines in that they have complex flavors that vary greatly among varieties and regions: some taste sweet, others salty or with a mineral flavor, or even like melon. The texture is soft and fleshy…
Sexual Context: Oysters have always been linked with love. When Aphrodite, the Greek goddess of love, sprang forth from the sea on an oyster shell and promptly gave birth to Eros, the word “aphrodisiac” was born. The dashing lover Casanova also used to start a meal eating 12 dozen oysters.
I’m going to let all that innuendo speak for itself.
Seriously, I’d feel silly telling my GYN that I had a concern with my “Oyster.” I’d be even more uncomfortable asking my friends questions about their “Oysters.”
Why do we need 1,200 nicknames for our vagina? Why are people so uncomfortable talking about their genitalia? And am I the only one who finds it a little ridiculous to tap dance around the word?