Could I Interest You in a Glass of Pinot?

Disclaimer: I’m writing this blog post to stop me from texting this boy I used to know.

After two full glasses of Pear Cider – amazing Pear Cider – with my salad tonight (why the hell didn’t I order a burger and fries?) –  I’m ready to send a little something that I think sounds racy and sexy, but I’m sure in sober reality would only come off as drunkenly sloppy and kinda pathetic.

Right now, I want to tell him, “I miss you. I want to breath you in.”

Then I wonder, do I want to “breath” him in or “breathe” him in….shit. I hate spelling.

And what the hell am I trying to say anyways?

And is it only racy in my brain, polluted with the highest ideals of passion, as established by the Elizabethan Era?

And why the hell did I order that second pint of cider?

But back to dinner. Conversation tonight touched on various topics, to include: past lovers, dating faux pas, Mexico, growing old, periods, feminism, and what exactly drives me to always date younger men.

I had several colorful responses in regards to dating younger men. I made a stamina joke (or two) and started thinking about The Boy.  Then, I had a revelation: I’ve almost always dated younger men because of how immature I used to be in relationships. Now, I’m not talking FULL FLEDGED MRS. ROBINSON stuff here, these guys have been 2-3 (sometimes 4) years younger than I…always very legal; not always very classy.

Either way, I think I dated younger guys because, as far as boyfriends go, I’m still the high school girl just waiting to find a “will you go to Homecoming with me? Check yes or no” note in her locker. I’m still the giddy young girl who thinks the back seat of the car was invented for making out and needs to be home by 10. I’m the band geek with a crush on the varsity quarterback. My palms still get sweaty. I laugh too loud. I talk too fast. I’m clumsy with my movements and my over-intellectualized jokes fall flat.

Ugh. I’m so incredibly immature….or at least, I always felt that way.

When I say I felt immature in the relationship realm, I mean I was a pretty late bloomer:

My first kiss: Age 17.

My first boyfriend: Age 17 (the relationship consisted of 3 months, 5 dates, and him dumping me the day after prom because I was going to college in Connecticut and he said he’d cheat on me if we tried to stay together…) This guy was older than me (by nearly 4 years).

My first Broken Heart: Age 20. I spent spring break sitting on my Aunt and Uncle’s sofa eating Thin Mints and watching reruns of Dawson’s Creek.

My first “Capital B” Boyfriend: Age 23.

My first/second/third rebound: Age 25.

My first lover: Age 27.

Oh lover.

Why did I never pursue an older man, T asked, as dinner was ending. I answered: they scared the hell out of me.

Older guys (by their nature) make me feel silly. Young, naive, and usually insecure. I wrote a whole dating column about it once…

Their experience scares me.

I feel like they wouldn’t want to put up with my antics and my games. They wouldn’t understand my spontaneous combustible laughter during *ahem* intimate moments. I fear they wouldn’t appreciate my goofy observations, simple questions, or flaky and largely unfocused ever-changing life goals.

But, I think my opinions are shifting. I’m not sure if its the cider talking, or if I’m ready to set hard and fast boundaries on my dating window: single men, over the age of 30, with real jobs, real goals, real life experience and an appreciation for sheets made of high thread counts, not t-shirts.

I think I’m finally ready for a real adult relationship with a real grown up man. One who would be more likely seduced with, “Could I interest you in a glass of Pinot?” rather than, “Wanna come over and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles?”


About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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6 Responses to Could I Interest You in a Glass of Pinot?

  1. Jim Brandano says:

    I do some of my best work after a few adult beverages lol.
    I used to always date younger women and then my first marriage was to an older women ( 5 years) lasted 8 years we had some good times at least 2 or 3 months. My second wife is younger and we just celebrated our 25th anniversary together. You have to learn from our mistakes lol.
    I really enjoyed reading this . Thank You

  2. Daisy says:

    hmmm, I spent 8 years in a relationship with a much younger man, 18 yrs younger. It was a wonderful time in my life, then unfortunately he went crazy, I mean having conversations with the cats crazy. I have since realized that I was as you say very immature in love relationships and he was more mature than the average. Now however I am married to a man 3 yrs. younger and ever so happy, at our age the 3 years mean nothing and we are ecstatically happy and in love. I don’t think it is age so much, I have met some men and women that will be forever childish, I however will be forever childlike at times. There is a difference. Pursue the truth of you, you will find what you want and need…<3<3<3

  3. Maureen, I adore how you can weave such wit and humor into your reflections. And, how you can analyze yourself and your experiences with such honesty and candor.
    I wish you the very best in finding that one man who is perfect for you and who loves your laughter in the middle of those “ahem” moments! He’s out there, younger or older. I just know it!

  4. Nikky44 says:

    I really miss the first part as I went directly from childhood into a grown up adult relationship!
    Good luck!

  5. T says:

    @Daisy: well said. the difference here is “young at heart” vs “maturity.” i like a good measure of both… but if i had to choose one, it would be the latter.

    cheers to the late bloomers! my first kiss was awkward, at age 16, and the guy & i still joke about it every 5 years or so when we cross paths.

  6. Andrea says:

    Lol, not from my experience oddly, after my mgiarrae ended, I found everytime I turned around, younger guys were hitting on me. It annoyed me to some degree, because I assumed that they were just looking for sex.However, after a few months, I started to realize that while some of them were just taking shots, some were actually serious, and decided to stop being presumptuous and give them a chance if I found them interesting. Went out with several, ended up getting involved with one for a couple of years, and I ended up having to break things off because he wanted to get married and have kids, and I did not.My brother’s wife is 18 years older than him, and we figured they would last a year, if that they’ve been married for almost 20 years now.I have found that it really, really depends on the people involved. If they have common interests, common values, and similar energy levels and the chemistry is there, they will likely get along. Some people are more mature at 25 than others are at 45 and vice-versa some people have had more life experience at 22 than others at 50, and that makes a huge difference in their outlooks and goals.The younger guys that are interested in older women for relationships tend to give the following explanations about what they see as advantages or attractive about them- more straightforward and direct, less insecure, more focused, more self-aware, more independent, experienced in life and relationships, more settled. I think most younger women who prefer older men find some of the same characteristics important.I think it’s more common than it was in the past, and the term cougar amuses me, as I’m sure it does most older women who have actually dated younger guys. It definitely started out as a derogatory term- implying that older women were stalking or preying on younger guys. Lol, most of us who have actually dated younger guys find it hilarious because in 9 out of 10 older woman/younger guy relationships, he was the one doing the chasing. Most women that I know kicked many young guys to the curve without a glance before actually reconsideringwhy they were so quick to assume that young guys were not worth their time. Ultimately, the success of any relationship depends on the compatibility and communication between the people involved no matter what their ages.

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