Ok to play devils advocate here for a moment, Maureen. I wouldn’t say “B.” If he wasn’t interested clearly he
A) wouldn’t have approached you.
B) He wouldn’t have asked for your number.
Maybe after asking for your number he didn’t want to come on to strong and maybe he thought texting would show interest but not overbearing interest.
Ok don’t kill the messenger, Maureen. LoL! Just showing there maybe other possibilities. If it were I, I would most assuredly pick up the phone and call. But other people have different approaches. Don’t write someone off because they don’t play the game like you expect. Sometimes those people that color outside the lines are the ones you really want to meet.
Like I said, don’t kill the messenger.
*Editor’s Note: Chris knows me as “Maureen” because I was kinda sorta going through an EPIC IDENTITY CRISIS after EPIC HEARTBREAK. There are 5 people in the world who still call me Maureen, to everyone else, I’m back to being Erin. Crisis over. Epic Confusion Remains.
Chris really made me think, and I decided to write this post in reply. I appreciate him leaving his two cents on my blog. Since his blog is called “Wisdom and Life” I do expect a certain amount of Wisdom from the man and take his words under careful consideration.
…other people have different approaches. Don’t write someone off because they don’t play the game like you expect. Sometimes those people that color outside the lines are the ones you really want to meet.
Good advice. In so many ways I want to wholeheartedly agree.
Yet, I humbly disagree, in a manner as unromantic as possible.
Here’s why: Dating really is the process of “writing people off.” Sure, I believe in giving love a chance and I think Chris’ advice is spot on for people looking for love. Unfortunately, I’m not just looking for love. There are many more other important factors in a successful relationship. Love is just a small piece of the relationship pie.
I told you things were going to get unromantic.
When I was younger, I gave everyone a chance. I never wrote guys off until it was much too late. It was the best way I could think of to expose myself to all the different players in this game of love. I learned a lot. I made some mistakes, but, in the end, I think I did it right. The whole “Live and learn” thing.
Chris’ advice was right for me at that time in my life. My dating experiences, although limited in number, were rich in opportunities for growth, reflection, self-loathing, heartache and recovery. I also found love, a couple of times. I absolutely, undeniably found epic love.
Here’s what I didn’t find: epic compatibility.
And that’s the unromantic truth of it all, my lovers! That’s why The Beatles were wrong! LOVE IS NOT ALL YOU NEED!
*Somewhere a little piece of 23 year old me just died*
Love is great. It is at the root of all things wonderful and beautiful in our short lives and I would most certainly consider true love a necessity. Still, I can not deny the importance of true compatibility.
First comes love, then comes marriage, right? Well, in theory, anyway…
Here’s the kicker with marriage though, for it to be a real “until death do we part” kinda deal, you have to have a lot more than love.
I’m not going to pretend like I know some all-inclusive recipe for a good marriage, maybe some of my happily ever after married readers will weigh in on that one. But, I’m looking for a few essential character traits to compile my big Gumbo of Marital Bliss:
Start with a rue:
Love, Respect and Honesty
A Strong Work Ethic
A Sense of Adventure.
Mix in a heavy dose of:
A Strong Faith
I’m going to focus on that last ingredient, complimentary goals, because it is so important and so easily overlooked when two people are under the influence of heavy doses of love.
Without complimentary goals, love is not enough to hold two people together. If she wants to have babies and he doesn’t, love isn’t enough. If she wants to live in the city and he is only comfortable in the country, love isn’t enough. If he is saving every spare penny for retirement and she only lives in the moment, love isn’t enough. If he has an unquenchable passion for traveling and she is a homebody, if he wants to put down roots and she is a wanderer, they will have problems that not all the love in the world can fix.
Compromise is for the small things. Compromise is for cooking and cleaning, compromise is for where to vacation and how often to entertain visits from in-laws. Compromise is for takeout and choosing the right scent for air fresheners. Compromise is not for career goals, faith and spirituality, values, dreams or babies!
This is why I’m not giving those texters a fair shake: I want to have babies (eventually) and I don’t want to make babies (and subsequently raise babies) with men who don’t know how to talk to me. It all comes down to babies. Seems like it always does.
Suddenly, rejection isn’t such a bad thing. While rejection in any form still stings, as I expect it always will, dating is all about finding the right person for you, not falling in love with someone and both working to be the right person for each other.
I say, go ahead and write off the non-compatibles. Otherwise, you’re making love too damn hard.