Who just broke out in a cold sweat?


*Shiver* Yeah, it creeps me out too…



Still, I think we all get to certain points in our lives when we have to answer a question with “yes” or “no,” a point when we must abandon the world of “Maybes” and “Somedays” and “Yeah, sure, it might work…” Or, to be utterly unromantic about things, we must proverbially shit or wash our hands and step away from the proverbial pot.

I recently made such a commitment. I paid my non-refundable deposit to the University of Edinburgh. It was 1,500 British Pounds Sterling – which equals roughly more than the maximum limit for my MasterCard. Fortunately, I recently obtained a Visa with Southwest Airlines Rewards attached to it and now I think I have enough points to take my little brother to LA to visit a school next month.

This was a big step for me….even bigger than buying a one way ticket to Scotland. I put my faith in the school’s offer; trusting that they wouldn’t change their mind. “We’re terribly sorry, Miss. Dixon, but it appears someone in our admissions office sent you the wrong letter. Please accept this bumper sticker as a small token from the Royal (Dick) School of Veterinary Studies. Cheerio!”

I put my faith in myself, trusting that I wouldn’t get scared of the thought of learning to spell color with a “u” (seriously? colour?)  and decide another year in Colorado would be the safer choice.

I put my faith in the path I’ve taken to get here; how every ounce of my hard work paid off with a relatively quick and easy acceptance into a program that will make my childhood dreams come true.

And I did it.

I committed.

Now, I take a few days to relax and bask in the glow of my acceptance letter as I wait for my financial aid package to go through so I can apply for a student visa….

Basking. Just Basking.

Basking. Just Basking.

It is a nice respite from reality. Ignoring the swirling numbers as tangible figures that represent innumerable future hours on the clock working away at debt. Give me just a second to puke. Whoever said “Mo’ Money, Mo’ Problems” obviously never had to go head to head with FAFSA and stare down a nearly incomprehensible amount in student loans!

The only way I can make sense of it is by putting things in perspective: some of my friends are HOMEOWNERS right now. They own houses with bathrooms and yards and garages and French Doors and sprinkler systems and gardens and state of the art custom kitchen cabinets. That’s cool. I’m taking what could be my mortgage and spending it on an (AVMA accredited) European education. Seems romantic. Classical. Very 1800’s of me I’d say. Plus, people are living longer, right? No shame in purchasing your first house later in life and paying off that mortgage well into your 80’s…right?

Ladies and Gentlemen, I may have to simply marry for money. Its really the only thing that makes sense. So please forward my contact info to any wealthy castle-owning eligible bachelors you happen to know overseas. I’ll be taking proposals at the end of July.

Commitment. It can be a scary thing. Life offers us no guarantees. For better or worse, things don’t always turn out the way we imagined. Life is full of uncertainty. The beats of our hearts are numbered and there is so little in this world over which we have any control. But, when you know with the very fiber of your soul that making this commitment is the right risk and you jump headfirst into it, well I can’t think of anything much more romantic than that.

*Swan Dive*

*Belly Flop*



About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
This entry was posted in Academia, Adventure, Edinburgh, Love Advice and tagged , , , , , , , , . Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Commitment

  1. T says:

    Keep an eye out for a two bedroom – maybe see you next year?

  2. Hurray, for you, Maureen!
    Keep moving forward. That’s what life is about:
    Moving forward. Not looking back and following the path that you incarnated for.

    Good for you!


Comment Here!!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s