Roommate Divorce!

It’s been a long day. I’ve spent hours reviewing anatomy and dragging my brain through the highlighted dredges of embryology lectures like it is a heavy boulder I’m pulling through mud, hoping that something will stick. And on top of it all, Harvey and I are officially over.

It all started with my morning cup of coffee. I was catching up on emails and comments from yesterday’s blog and thinking of something special to plan with my new best mouse buddy. I thought we might enjoy tea and McVitie’s Digestive Cookies together this afternoon as we discuss world events and the upcoming season of The Bachelor. I thought it would be nice of me to make Harvey a little top hat so we could dress for tea. I’d wear my blue dress and bring my handkerchief. Since Harvey likes his tea with milk and sugar, I’d make sure to pick up a fresh carton of milk at the store. I don’t like to serve my guests expired dairy products.

However, after several of my friends wrote me to warn me about the dangers of living with a wild mouse (leptosporosis, meningitis, bubonic plague…) I decided to follow up on our Roommate Agreement and assess my risk for mouse-borne diseases.

It’s not that I didn’t trust Harvey to make good on our deal by following the rules, I just wanted to verify that we were on the same page, so I pulled the fridge, stove and washing machine away from the wall.

To my absolute horror, I saw Harvey had violated the single most important rule of our cohabitation arrangement: He pooped in the house. Not just once, or twice, but hundreds of times! I was disgusted!

I sobbed, “Harvey! How could you!?” and grabbed my broom and mop. Thinking of how much aerosolized dry fecal matter I’d already inhaled, I scrubbed the floor with a vengeance (and disinfectant). Now, there is no trace of the past decade of dirt and muck and rodent feces behind my appliances.

I put everything back on the clean floor with quite a bit more space between them to discourage any more“mousecapades” in dark corners. I can’t think of anything more uninviting to vermin than open, clean, well-lit spaces.

I don’t anticipate having to do much more in regards to rodent catch and release as I am on the list to start fostering feral kittens. As soon as Lothian Cat Rescue is able to schedule my home check, hopefully in the next week or two, I wouldn’t be a mouse in my house…or a spider….or a moth….or a piece of pocket lint…ferals are no joke.

Dear Harvey, I’m not mad at you, I’m more disappointed than anything.




About ermodi

i like champagne and nachos. i watch people’s mouths move when they talk to me and judge if they are a good kisser i like to write with fine-tip Sharpies because i think it makes me look confident i bite my nails i think doing the dishes is a very lonely chore i think “autumn” is the prettiest word in the English language. i believe in love – or, at least something that resembles love, but i don’t trust this idea of forever.
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1 Response to Roommate Divorce!

  1. Jane says:

    You are a trip, my friend. 🙂


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