Dear Readers,
I’m back.
It’s been years (well, like one and a half of them). My last posts were written during my final year of vet school.
Tada!
And now here I am, a real live vet! Somehow I made it, even though I know we all had our doubts.
For my second inaugural post, I chose a topic near and dear to my heart:
“The 21st Century Spinster Cat Lady – Not Nearly As Bad As We’d Feared”
As a 90’s kid, I remember this mystery and fear of Y2K. Part of the mystery surrounded the YKK on my Levi’s – this apparent link between a blue jean company and the untimely demise of all technology, including the limited internet (ahem, AOL) as we knew it. It was a great unknown, as December 31, 1999 came to a close and I wondered if I would wake up the next morning thankful for all the skills and wisdom I picked up playing Oregon Trail in computer lab (Never ford the river – always hire a ferry!) or if I would even wake up. Maybe all the alarm clocks in the world would quit and we’d start using sun dials again.
Well, hindsight being 20/20, I can say with 100% certainty that Y2K was not even a deal at all. And it sure as heck didn’t have any relation to blue jeans. Oh, and here’s a little summary of the mass hysteria in case any of you are too young to remember Y2K….
Ironically, being single and in my mid thirties is also not the big apocalyptic deal it was made out to be by the pop culture of my childhood. Growing up, there was this stigma of an “Old Maid” or a “Spinster,” and before I could even comprehend the meaning of those words, I knew it was not something I wanted to be. Heck, all my Barbie’s got married at 16 because that seemed like the most adult time to meet your husband. Mother May I Get Married!?
Just playing some Cat Lady Old Maid and Drinking Beers with the ladies….
Yet, just like the hype around Y2K became the butt of many IT jokes, I’ve come to flaunt my “Cat Lady” status with a unique mix of pride for having escaped my 20’s without making a mistake that would last “til death do we part” and a brazen disregard for any societal timelines that may pressure me to find Mr Right…..RIGHT NOW!
You can’t hurry love. For reals.
Now, before the cries of solidarity from my fellow Singletonistas begin to drown out the crowds, let me unequivocally state: I am not anti-marriage, anti-babies or anti-men.
I imagine a well-matched marriage to be a very worthwhile life investment (especially if you’re dual income – cha-ching!) Babies also have their charm and appeal (I just don’t have any way to fit one in my current life as I’m assuming it would be frowned upon to lock it in a kennel at work, even if I provide age-appropriate enrichment tools). And men. Man oh man, do we ever have a love-hate relationship. Can’t live with ’em, but the consequences for premeditated murder are just so heavy….ha kidding! I love men. A lot. I just don’t always like them. Especially when they are being cheap, cruel, or creepy.
So there ya go. I’m not a harpy, baby-eating monster or man-eater. I’m just a simple Cat Lady. And for my fellow Feline Femme Fatales out there, I’ve got a Buzz-Feed worthy top ten list for why it’s totally cool to be a 30-something Cat Lady in this day and age.
10. For the Thrifty Thirty-Something, Cat’s Lower Your Heating Costs
On average, a cat’s body temperature is 101.5-102.5 degrees Fahrenheit. I’d convert to Celsius for my international readers, but it’s not important – just know each cat you have is like it’s own little self-warming hot water bottle that can be stacked in piles upon you while you sleep. I almost never have to set the thermostat above 60 and I’m always toasty warm at night.
Just a couple of not so cool cats….because we’re warm, get it!?
9. Cat’s are Self-Cleaning
Cat’s wash themselves, confine all their shit to one small box in the house and never leave the toilet seat up. Can’t say that about a kid, roommate, or romantic partner.
8. The Purring Panacea
Did you know cat’s purr at a healing frequency? It’s the same frequency of the Yogi’s “Om.” I am not even lying to you – I did a research project on cat behaviour in vet school. You can trust me. It’s science. A cat’s purr resonates through your body to heal what ails you – from broken bones to a broken heart.
Ommmmmm
7. Cat’s are Independent – Just Like You!
But being an independent cool cat in the 21st century doesn’t mean you don’t enjoy some serious cuddle time, am I right? You can enjoy cuddling on the sofa with Bae, watching hours of mindless Netflix (or documentaries on North Korea, depending on what kinda Bae you’re into….) and then go home and starfish out in your own bed and love it. Cat’s are not aloof, uncaring animals. They are affectionate and unabashed about showing that affection, but they are also 100% capable of amusing and pleasing themselves.
6. Cats And Humans: A Time Tested Healthy Symbiotic Relationship
Cats self-domesticated because of the ready availability of mice around human’s grain stores and humans happily kept them around because of their ability to keep those grain stores free of vermin. I look at most of my relationships in terms of what we can offer each other. Cat’s prove that this approach has worked for about 10,000 years – can’t really argue with that.
Hamish knows what he likes….
5. Kittens: Helping Me Hit Snooze on the Good Old Biological Clock
Plenty of people have made comments about my ageing uterus and impending fertility problems. Way more people than you would consider appropriate have made these comments. But, you know what’s had the biggest impact on my biological clock!? Fostering four orphan kittens and having to feed them every 2 hours and wash them and dry them so they don’t get cold and feed them and wash them….FOR TWO WEEKS. You guys, I barely survived two weeks of this feeding – cleaning- napping- feeding cycle. People who have kids talk about sleep training their children for YEARS. So, I’m just going to table the topic of babies for now and we’ll circle back to it in another 5 years or so….
Just another 2 am feeding….
4. Cats Help Cat Ladies Live Longer, Healthier Lives
This is not fake news. It’s science.
And if I’m so much more of a catch in my 30’s than I was in my 20’s, I can only imagine what the next decade holds….
Going to live forever at this rate.
3. Cat Ladies Have a History of Which We Can be Proud!
Sisterhood! Camaraderie! Can someone please get me a print of that “Old Maids at a Cats Funeral” – I would love to hang it up in my house
2. The Elusive Cat Daddy
Ladies, there are men out there who love cats. Seriously love cats. And by proxy, they love women who love cats. I love that this trend is catching on – dating sites are urging men to proudly flaunt their feline companions.
Also, Cat ownership in men is considered a possible antidote to toxic masculinity.
Sounds like a win-win if you ask me!
Heeeeey Cat Daddy!
1. Cat Lady Fashion
Cat Lady’s are comfortable wearing whatever the heck they want when they want to wear it. Quick grocery trip in pj pants and a bathrobe? It’s cool, you’re a Cat Lady! Professional conference with a cat-print skirt, collared shirt and cardigan? Wouldn’t expect anything else from a Cat Lady! Night out on the town in fish nets and a little black dress!? ME-OW!
Look, I literally went out wearing a bin bag for halloween one year. IDGAF.
So, there ya go, my fellow Cat Ladies and Cat Daddies – we’re not so crazy afterall!
Ladies and Gentlemen. Thanks for checking back in after all this time.
Always Yours,
The Singletonista
Singletonista 